Man, it gets tough to just move sometimes. A rise, then a fall. Pleasure with a side of pain to follow. Ebb, flow - the cycle continues and on and on we go. Maybe this time...........
I'm not quitting. The game grows tiresome, but I think I can see the finish. I feel the rising of something that I asked for, but wasn't ready to receive. Be careful what you seek, for it may bee seeking you out as well.
It's hard to hold on to those feelings of freedom and simple joy that came with taking off and driving around experiencing new places and faces. It was heaven to be with my wife and kids all day every day, surrounded by the mind-boggling beauty that is Northern California. Back to the Bible Belt and the old routine, the dream of something better fades with the light of our shorter days, and hunkering down for winter is the order of the day. Returning to our home and finding dozens of tomatoes and peppers rotting in our garden ( I told the neighbors to please help themselves, but...) was a reminder of what we saw in Ukiah while visiting my Stepfather. Acre after acre of pears rotting in the field because the market was no longer there, and now these trees that had been planted and nurtured to produce their bounty were likely slated for destruction. Someone sought to create a field of produce and the Earth complied, but it seems that the fruit was more valuable as a "loss" than as an actual product, so let it rot. I don't get it. You'd likely get hassled if you tried to round up some for your own table, but I guess I don't know that for sure.
As winter closes in, the reminder of how severe our climate can be is very strong, especially when considering the possibility of disruption of utility service or food supply. Each region poses its unique challenges to the people living there, but here in Minnesota winter can easily take your life if you are not careful. 45 of these long, dark and cold spells have made the lure of warmer climes very attractive, and my lovely wife certainly has done her time here in the frozen tundra (native San Francisco Bay area girl). We'll see how all that might change soon enough, I guess.
Winter can be a great time for creative pursuits, and I'd like to devote a good deal of my time trying to produce some music that I can be proud of. If not my own, then as a sideman for someone else. Not looking to market anything or go on tour, just looking to unload some of the crap that has piled up around and inside me and a Strat into a cranked Boogie seems the best avenue towards that expression. This was how I first experienced Divinity working through me when I achieved that place of "no-mind" and was awed at the music that came through me from somewhere else. I know I could never play like that, so someone else must have been doing the work. It was ecstasy, even though typically these moments are brief and hard to sustain or even arrive at. Thank you so much for that gift.
I'm not a lyrics guy at all, and have had the pleasure of collaborating with folks much more skilled in that area. One of the greatest challenges where musical expression is concerned is the need to involve others to fully realize these songs. My own self-critic has trashed more takes than I care to admit, and sometimes it is critical to have another ear, another perspective, and honest support when trying to decide when you have "the one". I hope to find this again someday soon, and get some of this stuff off my chest. After all, collaborating means dealing other people and all that comes with it. We'll see. Winter is a blessing in this regard, as the trips to the cabin or a golf outing won't be a hindrance when trying to gather my posse together to make some noise.
I imagine this type of rambling is of less value to most folks than reporting on hidden agendas or delivering deep and profound insights into the world and its workings, but I'm a simple guy with opinions that are mostly reserved for those that ask for them, and I am quick to point out that I know very little so I'm sorry if this seems like self-absorbed fluff. So many people do such a great job of the other kind of blogging, that I figure it clears the way for folks like me to clear the air and share the little things - the daily struggles and triumphs that to me are what life is about. I can change the world, but in this case the world is not what one might first imagine when I say that word.
I'll close whatever this is with some words that came to me as I was slowly waking this morning. Could be a song, or maybe just words. I'm not going to call it poetry, but maybe someone will get a chuckle out of it.
They say that time is moving faster, that change is due both slave and master, heralded by Earth disaster, thank God I have my Telecaster.
"Big Al" Gore the greenhouse punk, kool-aid served and eagerly drunk, climate science exposed as junk, truth waves rise - who'da thunk?
We cast our gaze to heavens above, we walk the Earth and search for love, we kneel and pray, push and shove, and carry on as Hawk and Dove.
In a moment's time we travel far, accompanied by our warming star, we're moving swiftly, yes we are, spinning towards the Avatar.
The milky way is not our home, our true birthplace as yet unknown, on this voyage we have grown, the truth of All soon will be shown
What thing inhabits your reactive mind? In which direction are you inclined? By thoughts and actions we are defined, look inside, what will you find?
The age of Kali, the love of gold, money is the measure, or so I'm told, even people bought and sold, man this shit is getting old.