Monday, September 23, 2013

I Surrender

I give. Uncle. Let me up, I've had enough.

This is too much to carry around, so please take it from me. There is no outcome on this path other than total destruction and I'm not ready for that - if I may be so bold as to assume any sort of say in the matter.

Hey guy in the Escalade with that trendy Mega-church sticker in the window - I forgive you. I owe you a debt of gratitude even. 7 hours ago my fondest fantasy was to follow you to wherever you were going and drag you from your vehicle so I could administer a proper curb-stomping. I know it must be huge fun to roll around in your big Cadillac truck endangering other's lives - that much was obvious from the way you were laughing so hard as we did our little dance. I see what you did there.........

Thanks for indulging me when I needed to go right to the very edge and cast my safety to the wind like that. I will admit it was invigorating in an odd way. Maybe I can return the favor some day. I'm glad now that I wasn't able to connect with that kick to your door, because that would have made it something I could feel bad about after the fact. Such a shiny machine you were driving. It would have been a shame to damage it in any way, even if it would have been when you intentionally veered into my line in attempt to crush me. It's all good. No harm, no foul.

I forgive all you Public Servants toiling away on my behalf, trying so very hard to protect me from myself and all the evils of the wider world. I see what you're up to as well. You too, anonymous commenters, and all you bloggers and "journalists" making up the din that is never-ending and taking us all further into hell. I would really like to tell you all to get over yourselves and maybe take a walk and get some fresh air, but that is what I'm gonna do instead of investing another minute listening to or reading your bullshit. I know, I know - you really DO have it all figured out and I'm just a sheeple, or Libtard, or whatever other derisive word is popular right now when dismissing someone who has a differing opinion or experience. Have at each other, reinforcing that ever-expanding imagined division between yourself and your brothers and sisters. I'm sure that will work out great for all involved. I know you will be there if I should need to cover myself in that particular stench again, but I hope to not be in that spot anytime soon. You shall receive no more of my time or emotional energy. That is a promise.

The addition of the subtle and not-so-subtle T&A at your websites was a nice touch, by the way. I realize it wasn't placed there by you yourself and is simply part of the cost of doing business in your neck of the woods, but you were the one who chose to "monetize" your location - heck, we all gotta eat, right? So what harm can a little 3d party advertising do, even if some of it is thinly-veiled soft porn (the woman with her head tilted up, eyes closed and mouth open getting that "salad dressing" all over her chin was brilliant!)? Nothing like devolving right down to the basest levels while providing quality misdirection and spin. I have to ask though, what's with all the strange, twisted visages of human forms? Is the woman with the ass as wide as her shoulders on an otherwise fit form supposed to attract the eye due to the sheer comical nature of the proportions, or do you think we'll believe it is real and click for a closer view of your freak? The distorted faces and creepy old people are just that - creepy. It doesn't matter, because I'm done with all of it.

Speaking of clicking, I will say I didn't much appreciate the constant attacks on my computer generated by whatever nefarious bugs were lurking - even at sites that had an air of legitimacy or even, dare I say,    "light" in their message. Pretty sneaky to try and draw in folks who are looking for some sort of refuge or keys to improvement, then unleashing digital demons that hang up, shut down or even attempt to destroy a person's computer. I guess that's my bad for thinking once again that there is any sort of "truth" to be found out there, simply by getting the url right. Silly me.

So, the rules have changed I see. It is now quite obviously the time of instant feedback and immediate consequence. I used to be able to slide into that old familiar space and carry around a chip on my shoulder for a while, slowly working through it until it was no longer needed for the lesson at hand, but I guess there is a new protocol in place. I see now what happens if I dare linger in a place of anger for even a few minutes; it is returned with interest. Damn, I was SO into that raging place, too, and thought that maybe it could be redirected and used as fuel for good works, but no; it has to boomerang and come right back with an even heavier load attached. Geez, is there something going on here that requires a reinvestigation of how one carries their energies around? Some deeper changes at hand? Is it no longer OK to fall back into those old, reliable grooves of anger and pessimism when attempting to navigate what passes for life these days? Someone even suggested I had some cynicism in me recently. Go figure......

It will be an interesting test to see what will happen should I become able to reconnect with a calmer, gentler way of being. I see what happens when I walk around like a loaded gun, broadcasting my darkness, and geez, what do you know, attracting the same?! It would be quite a thing to be in the opposite realm, carrying forth with nothing but lightness and a deep, abiding love on tap. I have been there before. I know the magic that is contained in that heart space. The whole world changes. I intend to reclaim that position and can only hope that when the outgoing wave returns it will also be bringing along an amplified crescendo to crush me completely. I need it. Bring it on.

One final point, and this one is for you, Universe. I don't know what was up with depriving me of my avenue of expression for so long, but that will also be changing. Not being able to play my instrument for all these many months was truly the final straw and it will NOT continue. It cannot. I know in the past I have not properly honored the gifts given to me, but I am making the correction of that wrong my top priority, along with the restoration of the body used in these exercises. You first introduced me to the magic of spirit through this avenue, and the removal of that path has brought much pain and humility. Being used by you to allow your outward expression hooked me like the finest drug imaginable, and I want more of it. I know "I" could never play like that.....

 Please grant me the ability to be a channel for those glorious vibrations once again. I surrender fully to you and wish only to serve the higher purpose and to do justice to the tasks at hand; with grace, proper humility, and the furtherance of Loving Intention. Use me. Burn me up completely if you wish, just please don't let me be destroyed by some misdirected, careless act carried out in anger. You almost let me go there. I'm hoping there was a reason I was pulled back from that brink in the last possible moment. I am, in fact, counting on it.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Discernment and The Void

We live in an information age, of that there is no doubt. Most assume (I assume) that this is an entirely positive state, and celebrate the fact that we now have the ability to share our thoughts, creations, observations and opinions with the entire world through the wonders of the internet and social media that resides within that structure. It is a crude but powerful example of our true connectedness with each other and Creation itself. A sort of "One Mind" model only with more advertisements and pitfalls along the way.

Using this tool, many of us have re-shaped our worldview, or more likely reinforced the worldview we have accepted as our version of "Truth" by seeking out and aligning with those who offer "facts" and opinions that reinforce this personal view of our world. This can be greatly satisfying to the smaller part of our being who demands constant reinforcement and validation - the Ego. When a seeker finds that link to the article that PROVES Obama is a shape-shifting reptile who is intent on serving us up to his Draco overlords as lunch, that small part leaps up from wherever it is seated and shouts "See! I KNEW it was true!!". Often the next step is to post the link and share with others in the hope of reinforcing the notion in the wider sphere, while also, (likely) unknowingly satisfying the need to keep the Ego happy. This may even be the primary function of passing on discoveries - a need to satisfy our own doubts, more than any kind of benevolent attempt to "wake up" others. I can't count the number of times I have read an article or commentary expressing the frustration of not being able to make others "see" as we do. Countless tales exist of dismissing others as "agents" or "trolls" simply for not being entirely in alignment with EVERY SINGLE ASPECT of a writer's worldview. This is a tool of division and is extremely dangerous. (Hint - it isn't your job to "enlighten" anyone. You risk coming off as an arrogant ass for even attempting to do so.)

 We find a certain resonance when our pieces click together, and this is where I think that discernment enters and needs to be practiced, as I contend that there are differing centers within that provide these resonances and steer us towards accepting (then probably sharing) our discovered "Truths". The most easily seen level of resonance is an intellectual one, driven by what we "know" and are able to tap into with relative ease. This is the realm of Ego, and is most likely to allow false information to be embraced and held as Truth - simply to satisfy the needs of Ego itself.

On a subtler level, resonance occurs and we may not even recognize it as such. It may even be uncomfortable for some, as it wars with the Ego and can cause that most dreaded of states - doubt. Cognitive dissonance is truly a bitch. Few things are more difficult for humans to process on an intellectual level that the notion of being "wrong" about something, and the longer one holds to their own personal view of Existence and strives to reinforce it with research and "proofs", the harder it becomes to admit any information that is contradictory or challenging of that view, regardless of the veracity of said info. Truth then become personalized and walls are build to defend and isolate. I will state here that I do not think that the idea of a truly individual Truth is at all inaccurate, just that the manner in which one constructs their perception needs to be carefully sorted and vetted in a deeper space to avoid the traps of the coarser aspect. Many tools are used to distill incoming information down to a finer level for discernment, and have been throughout our time here as sentient beings. It is wise, I think, to develop an internal system of fact-checking, and one that does not reside above the shoulders and between the ears. The brain has many important functions for us, but I do not believe separating truth from fiction is one of its better uses.

I will make an attempt to share an experience I had that illustrated for me the value of staying as empty as possible; of clinging to no beliefs and being open to new possibilities and resonances as they present, for the purpose of truly becoming "Enlightened" or aligned with creation. Words are not best suited for this task, but it is all that I have available in this moment to attempt to share.

One night, upon climbing into bed for my slumber, I recall dozing into that half-awake state where one is not fully asleep nor awake. In this space, I experienced a brilliant, sparkling light that rose incredibly fast from my core and exploded out of the top of my head, leaving me in the aftermath of this "Big Bang" in what I can only describe as a "state". There was no sense of location, no recognition of time, and the position from which this was observed is indescribable. There was no visual attraction, no sound or sensation that was familiar. This was a state of No-thing. This was what I now believe was The Void.

If one were to attempt to describe the duration of this visit using conventional methods, I was there for the most incredibly small fraction of "time". Yet, within this duration, something was shown that I carry with me at my deepest core, and has become one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. I experienced the complete and utter removal of every-thing from my perception, yet found contained within a profound condition that I term "potential". In that infinite moment of hesitation, All was contained, not as an expression but as the potential for the expression of absolutely everything. It was all "there", hanging, paused, ready to manifest and begin the outward movement that would, I suppose, result in becoming separated from the source if one can imagine that is possible. And I believe that "Source" is indeed what was tapped into in this moment. Much like brushing up against a line carrying voltage, an incredible surge was created and then ceased, leaving a lingering sense of "Wow" and no small amount of tingling.

The true value of this lesson was the realization that to fully appreciate the gift of resonance and discernment from within, I needed to make sure that my vessel was as empty as possible to allow a proper flow from this Source. The constant scanning of web pages in search of external truth had begun to pile up layer upon layer of crap that was acting as a dam and a filter. "I don't know" became OK, and even seen as a desired condition. This the Ego does not appreciate, but it is not my job to satisfy that small and base component. I see it as a small child that simply needs to be recognized and affirmed, but NOT catered to and spoiled at the cost of all other peace and harmony. It is a continuing struggle....

I encourage any and all reading this to take whatever steps are needed to pull back from the drive to discover all that exists "out there" and to try and explain it from an intellectual standpoint. I even more strongly encourage you to refrain from attempting to convince others of your own discoveries, as you do not do this out of compassion or love for anyone, but to satisfy your inner desire to be right and have what you have picked up and put into your collection of "truths" validated. The truly benevolent manifestation of this practice is to give and share your experience as something to be weighed by the other on their own scales and checked for a deeper resonance. The expectation that your own personal discoveries be adopted by anyone else is an affront and not borne from a place of Love. It is shown that this is the cause of much violence in our world.

  If one can truly begin to comprehend what "All" encompasses, it becomes clear that there is no single, Universal Truth that will be shared by every individual as we stroll around and try to find our way as Humans. That is entirely OK and proper. I encourage you to reflect upon what is contained within the concept of All, and see that what we can likely never reach that point where we can grasp it - short of returning to the Source of it All. There are no limitations, no "right" and "wrong" within this construct, and no real reason to take any of it personally. It simply "is", or is in the process of "becoming". Where we, as individual fragments, fit into this picture is not entirely clear to me, but a fuzzy outline is beginning to form and I know it is not simply a matter of clicking on the right link to arrive there.......

Tap that Source. It is All there, and that is the Truth.


Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Fuck You, Mr Kerry

Take all of your lying, scheming, insane friends and GET THE FUCK OFF MY PLANET!

All of the sold-out, soulless ghouls salivating for another illegal. immoral, criminal "humanitarian war" can go straight to hell where you can spend eternity buggering each other. If I have to hear about "moral high ground" as we prepare to kill untold innocent civilians (AGAIN!!!) one more time, I may be forced to vomit.

WE provided Saddam Hussein with chemical weapons and gave him the support he needed to effectively use them during the Iran-Iraq war. There is NO PLACE for anyone in our power structure to be standing anywhere NEAR what is termed "moral high ground".

How stupid do these ass-clowns think we are?

The drums I saw in a report, alleged to be chemical components used as weapons, were marked with "Cargill" tags for fuck's sake!!!

Moral high ground.......what a fucking sad joke.

Seriously, this shit has got to end, and at this point if our entire planet is consumed by what is to come, I think it would not be a bad thing. Hit the fucking reset button.

I apologize for not posting for so long and then coming in with this screed, but I simply cannot believe we are going to do what appears will be done soon, and in the name of "good". I have simply had nothing to say but today I need to speak up and SHOUT my disapproval of this madness. The notion that my labor, my toil, is skimmed off to finance this stuff makes me want to end my own life. It is not worth it and I see no way to right any of this short of the complete destruction of the "Western" world in its current state. I feel powerless (I am). I feel lied to and cheated (we have been). I sense that all of this is leading up to some kind of really big show that has at its conclusion a world where NOTHING is as it was - and I am OK with that. I am glad I live right next to a military installation. Maybe if we go all-out WW3, I can take some comfort in the fact that I would likely be vaporized in the initial volley. I probably couldn't get that lucky though.

Hey, when 90% of a population is against something, and it appears to be on track in spite of this fact, the illusion of any sort of "representative democracy" needs to be put to rest once and for all. It sounds like a dictatorship to me.

I would also apologize for my profanity, but the scope of what is taking place and the evil intent behind it is far more profane than any words I may use.

Fuck you, Mr. Kerry. and all of your cohorts. Endlessly, without your consent, and in such a fashion that your worthless soul (if you even have one - I have serious doubts) will NEVER incarnate again in such an evil guise. And to think, I was relieved when that witch HR Clinton stepped down............

All that said, I am now going to force myself to cast out as much of this violent hatred I am carrying, and try and connect with the Love that I KNOW is at the core of my being. If I am to witness another atrocity, and possibly be killed at some point down the line here by the violence that seems to be everywhere, my only wish is to do so with love in my heart instead of the blackness that resides there.

God, please help us to endure the actions of those who would be our "leaders", and spare the innocent ones any suffering as we march to what is seemingly a very bad end.

All my Love to you people. I pray that we emerge from all of this with our own souls intact. It's all a dream, right? For the purpose of demonstration? We volunteered for this? Who knows? Who really knows? Maybe we shall soon find something out. This cannot hold for much longer.