Friday, October 10, 2014

Cycles, loss, and the true meaning of "Change"

Of the three items listed, the first is the most easily understood I think. In a literal sense, we observe regular patterns of shifts that eventually return and begin again, and call it a "cycle". I can look out my window today and know what stage we are currently in with regards to the seasonal changes that happen about the same time every year - the leaves are changing and falling, the air has dried out, and my garden will soon be completely put to rest as a result of the morning frosts that have begun to lend that prismatic sparkle to everything. The Sun sits lower on the horizon and Sol's visits are shorter and shorter every day, until that time when we pass the equinox and it comes back around again. On a larger scale, we can observe the movement of heavenly bodies in their ancient dance across the Galaxy, and reliably predict further movements if we so desire. I very recently had the experience of getting a reading from one who practices Astrology, and I must say it was a very eye-opening happening. This science seems based on observations over a great deal of time and I am now convinced of its merit. Humans have been gifted with a quality that makes the recognition of patterns and cycles a priority for our brains to take note of, likely to aid our ancestors in mundane tasks like survival,  but now we see that such observations over long periods of time have allowed us to assign certain predictable qualities to aspects of our lives based on the observed cycles and how they impact us. This may also be a curse, as processing events that appear outside of our established known patterns ("norms") can be difficult for some, especially those who have very rigid minds or are convinced in some way that they have some sort of "truth" they carry that cannot be challenged for various reasons.

Some say that economic activity has inherent cycles. Some go even further and claim that there is actually a "science" related to economic study and activity. I do not believe this, as any sort of "economy", at least as I understand it, is a wholly fabricated thing. Surely one could say that a basic "supply and demand" model can be shown in nature, when observing, for example, the way basic availability of foods and territory resolves with animal population fluctuations or migration, but the bit missing here is that the supply side is a random variable rather than an input that is determined with the express purpose of manipulating the end result. Of course, you could always place Creation in the Board of Directors role and justify that way, but generally speaking I see any notion of modern economies being organic and having "natural" cycles as pure fiction. What we see before us in our current times is simply a game being played by humans who have learned over the centuries that methods of control exist beyond outright force or violence, and new and improved variations of this game have been rapidly expanding leading us to a point where our "economies" are a complete fiction.
This is NOT a natural happening; in fact, because it is against natural laws, it shall be the cause of further suffering for those thus engaged (all of us basically) and could even lead to our near total extinction.

Loss is something that appears slightly more difficult to process in any fashion other than a literal one. Yes, I lost my iPod. It is no longer available to me. However, if it was stolen or carelessly left somewhere and is currently being enjoyed by another, can we say that the thing itself is lost? When the local football team gets defeated on the field of play, we can say that "we lost", but the residents of the opponents team celebrate a victory as a result. It then  becomes a matter of perspective I suppose. The loss of species on the planet for various reasons is more difficult to fathom, as there is a definite finality to such a happening. This is too often beyond the realm of natural processes, and is a true tragedy that does not bode well for our current trajectory. We can see that natural extinctions have always happened, and that new beings have come along in their wake to create a different cast of characters for our Earthly experiences, but what we are creating with our insatiable plunder of our planet's gifts and treasures is creating what I consider the ultimate definition of loss. In this sense, it is tragic and cause for great personal grief.

To use the economic model again, I use my aunt as an example first. She has an amount of her personal wealth tied up in stocks. On any given day, she can experience a "loss" to her portfolio, but as she never really actually takes gains and converts them into something other than numbers on a screen, what does she lose when the numbers change to the negative? As another example, we see many stories of how things have changed for the average person since our great event of fall 2008. Many will talk of loss of jobs or loss of value in their house, and for some the loss becomes very real due to the hardships associated with being forced out of a situation they had found themselves in. I, myself, "lost" a home due to foreclosure during this time, and also "lost" my good credit completely when I filed for bankruptcy shortly thereafter. Yet here I am in a finer home (with a solid assist from above mentioned auntie - gratitude emerges again for this), and being quite able to exist without the ability to place myself in debt at my whim. Reflection tells me I am far better off in spite of these "losses". Time and again I hear people talking about returning to the period before 2008 - the "good times", yet no one seems to get that those times were the result of a particular set of circumstances that were entirely unsustainable and in many ways quite insane and destructive (let's not forget criminal). How were they destructive you ask? Well, for one thing it allowed lots and lots of people to pile up vast "wealth" due to property values rising or their 401k getting fat, or worse yet adopting a lifestyle that was only possible due to the fiction that they were wealthy. My job during this time was delivering fine furniture to homes in the Twin Cities, and I would daily venture into these vast new developments to fill up the McMansions with thousands and thousands of dollars of goods. Very often I would encounter the 20-something homeowner pulling up in their brand-new European luxury sedan, and I would walk away asking my delivery partner, "Where the hell are these people getting all this money?!?". I could sense that something was amiss here, but it was a big party until it wasn't anymore. The party has been over for 6 years now, yet I still see attempts to pump those kegs and wake the passed-out guests for further bumping, grinding, and merriment. I have to ask - who really thinks that we will ever return to that model again? Why would we want to? I know why some people would want to, but why would any sane person wish to go down that path again. It was an illusion. It created a false "normal" reality. This distortion continues to be destructive as we attempt in vain to reclaim that position, still thinking it was one we could adopt as the new model, going forever higher.

Another question that I have been pondering for several years now, and have not seen an answer to; it would appear that all nations of the world are experiencing a crisis of debt (wait, debt = money, right? So are we not suffering from too much money? Then why is it so hard to come by? I'm so confused). So, who, exactly, holds this "debt" and by what means was it incurred? I have always contended that there has been a constant pattern of creation of "money" by all of these exotic derivative schemes, and the ultimate plan is to have those of us who create real wealth through labor or production of real goods make it "real" by trading said real wealth against the fiction - much like some sort of modern alchemy. It would seem that one way to solve this global problem would be to simply declare a Jubilee of sorts and forgive all this fictitious debt that can never, ever be repaid. However, that would require open and honest assessment of what is held as "wealth" by so many, and there would be the need for those many, who I am sure are quite unwilling, to take a "loss" of their imaginary riches. I shall not hold my breath......

Now we come to the issue of "Change". President Obama rode this simple word to great effect when he began his quest to lead us (I just threw up a bit - sorry), yet if one were to be honest and review what he actually said during his campaign, it was obvious that a continuation of many of the worst practices of the prior administration were on the table and no effort to hide such intentions was ever made. In this case, change took place in the form of the facade behind which all the bullshit that passes as our government occurs, and nothing more. It was simply a rebranding of the same horror. We can see that one of the true constants in nature is the ongoing process of change, and thus we cannot escape the eventuality of these things coming to be, yet what we attempt to label as change in our processes here as humans playing at "civilization" never seems to truly achieve this standard. It would appear to be more of a cycle than anything else really - one that leads time and again to the same tragic result; most often wars and mass suffering and death. In this regard, true change is needed for us to survive on this plane.
It may already be far too late for that to happen however.

This then brings me to my final point for today's exercise in word salad. When I cast my gaze outward to see what themes are trending (see, I can be hip too!), I see much talk of an "awakening" in humanity, and time and again I see it written that profound change is just around the corner or merely moments away. Raise your vibration! Cast out fear and embrace the Light! Download the latest channeling from the Galactic Council and be awakened to your true destiny as a Lightworker! It would appear that true and monumental change is here if we can just get enough people to buy into the same program and chant the proper words at the precise moment with the right hat on while the planets are just so.........or something.

I don't mean to make fun of any of those engaging in such practices (ok, I really do), but I can't see how any of it has merit beyond soothing the individual so engaged, and that is in itself a valid pursuit. I am also open to all of these paths being equally valid, and in the context of the definition of "All" this makes the most sense. No one "Truth" that MUST be shared universally to be in agreement with Creation. I just get tired of people telling me "you are doing it wrong" or belittling those whose choose to pursue other paths, merely to soothe their own egos. Senseless points of diversion which do more to divide us that unite. One thing I do know, again from observing our greatest teacher - Nature - is that when an organism is faced with an evolutionary "brick wall" so to speak, it either finds a way to mutate/evolve, or it ceases to be. It kinda looks like a brick wall is dead ahead for all of us, so as individuals we should probably be open to some form of profound change happening ahead, whether we are prepared or not. It is a constant. The question I have now is, are we in a cycle that is merely a repeating one with subtle changes of scenery or characters only, or does our path take an evolutionary slant and move in a spiral fashion rather than a mobius strip where we only wind up at the same place time and time again? Can we truly move beyond this way of existing, and find that "Home" that so many of us seem to long for? I don't know. I really don't. I doubt that anyone does, truly.

Getting wordy here. I would like to leave this message with a word of thanks to the Universe for allowing me to be blessed by the presence of a pure and beautiful creature who left us this morning. I would like to dedicate this day to the memory of my dear friend Mimi, a wonderful, loving Eeker who taught me some things and never failed to make my heart lighter in her presence. I will miss you beautiful one.

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Dying To Make It

At long last - the video.

I hope that some of you may enjoy watching this.



It is hard to view the performance if awareness of "Z" is allowed to filter in, or if the memories of the turmoil that surrounded the creation become too strong, but I am proud of the music and have deep respect for all involved in the process of creating this work.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Bad Theater

All of it is.

Likely always has been, but the degree to which this has become obvious in all realms of this thing we term "Existence" is truly beyond any doubt for me. Many of us claim to have discovered some sort of "Truth" and many more pretend to be actively seeking same, but please note that if one is using any of the 5 (known) senses to do so your chances of success are basically nil as far as I can tell. This place is some kind of movie and while I don't claim to know who is writing and producing it (suspicions only), it is less and less interesting all the time. I can even say I'm done and ready to go home now please, but my ride has yet to arrive so I will stay here and try to pay attention for a bit longer.......

Humans lie. We lie to each other and most often, to ourselves. In the coarser aspect, there is little that a person can hear, read, or even see these days that isn't tainted by another's perspective - for better or worse is up to individual interpretation I suppose. Most of it is simply there to either steer or obfuscate. Or simply to further confuse those that attempt to navigate this realm using the common tools at hand. Personal beliefs can be reinforced or challenged, but seldom directly changed by this process, unless the recipient is a truly open receptacle - and even then the turn is likely heading for another dark alley. How do we really come to understand ANYTHING as being true anymore? What does that word even mean? We are probably forced to lie to ourselves, and then others to satisfy our representative self.  More and more the notion of any universal (small "u") "truths" existing seems comical in the extreme, yet it appears that we try and try to identify something as being so and then set out to defend that determination with varying degrees of determination, depending on how deeply-rooted this "truth" has become. The Ego is a mofo to be sure. It runs in direct opposition to the notion of what "All" might signify. Forgive my clumsy wording here - this is part of the reason I no longer feel compelled to write anymore. I don't know what I am trying to say most of the time.

I was granted a bit of a break from my own hapless flailing recently since I had taken on a job that occupied most of my time and a huge percentage of my energy. After my day's toil, it seemed all I could do to make it home and feed myself before collapsing into bed to rest for the next day's repeated activity. There were some positive aspects to be sure, and one that was somewhat unexpected - I no longer had the time or energy to look out at the greater world and try to sort out what was really going on via the usual avenues. No time to peruse any sort of "news" or media of any kind, really. This also took a toll on my human relationships, as there was less time to engage in conversation with those near and far that have come to mean so much to me. Another compromise made I guess, in the interest of maintaining some sort of presence here in this show. I mostly did it for my family and for my sense of worth as measured by the yardstick at hand. Another part of me hated every second of it.

 On the other side, I was helping to lessen the strain of trying to maintain our middle-class suburban status by giving us at least a small margin to operate with, and even maybe hope to some day get "caught up" and beyond the constant threat of wolves at our door. We are not there yet, and now I sit here unable to continue this process as I pay my penalty for "breaking the rules". I won't get into the specifics, really. I knew what I signed up for and still pretended that I was not subject to any imposed restrictions on my behaviour outside of my "job" since I felt they were arbitrary and unjust. Arrogance got the best of me, and now I bow my head and leap through the hoops placed before me to regain favor and get back into line with the rest of the herd. Yippee. Is it time to go yet? Damn......

Having some free time again, I thought I would take a peek at some things I had once used to help form my worldview, and to try and navigate the ups and downs that we all face on this ride. Not surprisingly, I found much the same as before, only now with a curious twist to it all - it seemed even MORE insultingly contrived and even LESS likely to contain any degree of unfiltered truth. So much bullshit floating around, and now there is seemingly endless propaganda afloat to reinforce ANY chosen worldview! Why do I keep beating my head against the same wall over and over? Why do so few even attempt to weigh what is placed before them to try and sort the poison out? Ah, to each their own - free will and all, right? I'm beginning to see that it is all just there for no other reason than to fool us into continuing to seek out items of value outside ourselves. A head-fake. A distraction. A way to piss away an entire lifetime (or many!) spinning around in circles looking for the right path to take us...............somewhere. Home? Away? Anyplace but right here, right now? Man, I sure don't know, but I feel foolish for wasting so much time and energy trying to convince myself I had a clue.

(I have to keep remembering that we all get to choose how we go about our business, and to avoid the trap that compares my own path to that of anyone else.)

For a long time, I used the "Opposite World" measure for new inputs. If something was being trumpeted as the "Truth" I would first consider the opposite and begin from there. This still works to a degree, but now it seems that the masks have all begun to be removed and the need for obfuscation is dwindling. Those who would pretend to steer the course of world events, and as a result our daily lives, appear to have become so emboldened that any pretense is simply not necessary. It is certainly far easier to be up-front and truthful about one's actions and intentions if there is no threat of challenge or retaliation from those who would be opposed to whatever you are up to. Being a liar takes extra care and effort, as keeping things hidden gets harder and harder to do. There is an apparent "waking up" of a greater number of people, at least to the fact that most of what they have taken on as reliable and trustworthy really isn't. Maybe that is the point of all of what is found "out there". Finally reaching a point where we all say "fuck this" and just distill our efforts down to the very moment we are in and the immediate surroundings. That might actually start to lead us to a point where we can begin to see what we are, or maybe better still, what we are supposed to be (or truly are but just don't know it yet). Then we might stand a chance of taking on some methods to refine our senses and tune into the messages that actually have importance and potential for creating.........well, I don't know exactly, but "not this" is a start. But it is all a process I suppose. Round and round we go.

I don't really even know why I am sitting here writing this right now, as there are likely more important things I could be doing. Sitting outside in the Sun and watching my breathing comes to mind. Focusing the energy that exists inside me on staying present rather than wandering off into the illusion yet again would be good. Trying harder to keep the interloper from dropping in and hijacking my mind and taking it to some as-yet arrived at horror show - been there enough to be sure. There has been an urge to let some of this stuff out for a while, and I guess for whatever reason now is the time and this is the method. I have no illusions that there is any value in this exercise beyond having a conversation with myself, and maybe because I long to connect with anyone who might share any small portion of my heart as I attempt to open it up and peek inside. It's funny, but I have never felt so utterly lost but at the same time never as OK with it as I do right now. Is it despair? It doesn't feel like that. It just feels......impersonal and without judgement at the finer moments. Acceptance with a dose of strange euphoria mixed in sometimes. Strange.

 If one looks through the window into what passes for our shared "reality" right now, it would seem that there are very powerful indications that something "big" is looming (when ISN'T there?!?). It could even be said that we are on the very edge of a profound change - good, bad, but more likely indifferent if I am taking the hints right. All I know is that the scenes I am seeing are both comically and tragically so over-the-top that I simply no longer know what might be in store, and care less and less to be emotionally involved in it. And that is OK. It's all just some sort of projection, right? Bad Theater indeed.

In spite of any of that poorly scripted drama, something continues to animate me and allows me the choice to get sucked into the vortex of lies and confusion, or not move one centimeter beyond the breath that emerges from my body. Sometimes it is easy to stay centered and in the present; other times, I am swept away by the current scene playing and find all manner of reactions taking place that I would never willingly invite on board. I thank the Universe for at least allowing me the choice where to reside, and also for allowing that warm, glowing component that resides in the center of this body to ALWAYS be there to remind me that I am never truly alone. Gratitude arises, as does the need to say how much I miss a simpler time, and most of all, those who I no longer communicate with directly. I'm still here. For whatever reason the breath continues to flow in and out, and another chance to make choices about which story I want to watch arrives. It doesn't even matter "why"  or "how" anymore, it just simply "is" I guess. I'm out.

Much Love for All, and endless gratitude for this opportunity,

Z