Check, please!

Wow, that was quite the spread. It was piled up as far as the eye could see, and it was all hot, fresh, and smelled yummy. If you couldn't find that certain item to satisfy your craving, well I contend you just didn't look hard enough. And thanks to the wonders of modern technology and good innovation spurred on by healthy competition, everyone can afford to join this party.

How could so much be laid out for so many different tastes, and sold so cheap? I mean, it was an endless parade of item after item all there for an amazingly low, low price, and it seemed to be limitless. The constant parading of the help from where it was all being cooked up for our enjoyment never seemed to stop, and it was all being replenished even before anything got half-empty. Man, what a deal! Whoever thought this angle up was certainly a very savvy business person, don't you think? (burp)

And look, it is for everyone! I look around and see all walks of life feeding here, no one is excluded from the benefits of this remarkable spectacle. I even started getting letters in the mail from others adopting this approach, and some even asked LESS for the privilege of strapping on the feed bag and rolling around in all its goodness. Just looking at the pictures of the obviously satisfied customers and the text reinforcing the idea that I did, in fact, deserve these riches confirmed my feelings of entitlement to them. Damn right, I earned it! It really makes one feel good to know that so many people are concerned enough about my needs to send me mail offering discounts and an ever-increasing selection just so I will never have to be left wanting. ("Could I get another Diet Coke over here?")

You know, there are just a few questions I have about this arrangement. How is it that I can come here daily and partake of this wonder, yet very shortly after doing so I always feel the urge to do it all over again? I mean, when they say "take all you want" I take that seriously and never hesitate to take it to the very limit, but it's amazing how fast the craving returns. Sure it gets uncomfortable sometimes (hang on a sec, I need to loosen my belt), but why would anyone not want to take full advantage of an offer like this and cram as much in as humanly possible? I just wish the feeling of satiation lasted a bit longer, that's all.

The other thing I have to wonder about is why none of the people tasked with facilitating all of this seemed to be enjoying the thing itself. I think they might be horribly uninformed, or just don't get how awesome it is to feel like the world has been laid out before you strictly for your own personal enjoyment. What is wrong with these small, quiet people who actually seem content to get by with the simplest of things, and never get in the long line to jostle and shove to get at the really good stuff. Poor, backwards creatures. If I choose to enjoy this limitless bounty, why do they not do the same? Can't they see how happy I am when my pile is taller than I can even handle, yet I can still come back for more if I want seemingly forever?(Ooh! Did you see THAT? Go save me a place in line so we can be the first to dig in) Are they avoiding it because they simply have yet to discover the joy of unlimited freedom to consume as much as you want without anyone ever saying "stop"? Losers. I think I now have a good idea of what it may feel like to be a King or Emperor, what with all these folk scurrying around just to make sure all my hungers are satisfied. It's good to be King! (Shit, I have another headache coming on)

O.K., I admit that sometimes it gets to be a little uncomfortable, trying to get all that I'm entitled to in every sitting (hang on a second, I need to loosen my belt). The discomfort is usually mild right after each visit, but being able to feel the glow for hours afterward takes some of that away, and really, it passes pretty quickly and I'm usually ready for another go pretty soon after. Sometimes the smells even linger on me and remind me of the joyous event. There are those occasional sleepless nights where the burden of what I had taken on hangs around and makes it tough to get comfy. I even have nightmares as a result sometimes, but that can all be minimized, too, with a couple pills or a quick purging. Even in those rare times when it seems the resulting load is poised to kill me, and I have to struggle mightily to pass the remnants on to make room for the next indulgence, I know that after the sweats and the waves hit me that this, too, will pass and I'll be set for another trip to that place of limitless joy and satisfaction. It's all worth it, and if you don't know these pleasures than there is something seriously wrong with you I fear.
C'mon, if I can afford it anyone can. It's practically your birthright.

Shoot, I should go now. Gotta go lay down and rest so I can be fresh for our next trip. I heard they are going to be cutting down the options and raising the prices soon, so I need to get while the getting is good. I'd invite you all with me, but if there is to be a decrease in the options or a reduction in quality to be faced, I'd hate to have to hurt you for keeping me from what I am entitled to. I discovered this thing before you, and while you might be thinking you want some too, I'm a very big boy capable of kicking your ass all the way across town if need be, which proves God favors my right to keep at it at your expense. Nothing personal, you see, just simply evidence that I am entitled to all this and you need to get out of my way or suffer the cosequences. See you in the chow line! (just make sure you're behind me and don't even think about taking that last crab leg)


Z